I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
