I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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