'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
