It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
my liver is dry heaving
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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