I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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