look no pants
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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