I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
