I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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