I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
