I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
