I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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