I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
