She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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