I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
