I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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