He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
