Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
