does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
