cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
