were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
