he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
