The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize