Pappa wants mamma naked
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
