OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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