I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
