One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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