1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
