how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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