how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
