I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
