i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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