my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
