apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
