VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
