Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
