I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
me + whiskey = a bad person
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
