Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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