I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
