Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
There's always time for handjobs
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
