I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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