I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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