Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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