i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
