We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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