Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
