I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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