I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
