I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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