Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i just google imaged poop.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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