my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
