hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
