If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
this just has baby written all over it
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
