yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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