The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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