a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
barbara walters just said penis...
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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