Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize