I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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