Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
