is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
