would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
