It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
