Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
my poor anus
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
