So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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