is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
