My first STD was from a foam party
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I still have a little drunk in my system
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize