I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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