She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
