oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
