Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I will be naked everywhere
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Brb crying the tears of my youth
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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