Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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