discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
