Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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