i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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