Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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