so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
