We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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