I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
