I'm jealous of your bromance
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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