i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
