I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
