You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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