Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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