marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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