I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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