So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I AM VODKA MAN
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
