I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
