I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i was born a porn star she said
you have to choose: penises or morals?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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