Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Redeem this text for a blowjob
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Enjoy the penises
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
