i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
