If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
