I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
