so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
