Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
This is not my ceiling
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
its not stalking. its research.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
