bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
