It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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