My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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