A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm at about main and main street
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
