You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I think people are normalizing furries
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