he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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