How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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