Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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