i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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