Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Randomize