actually, I'm a sock model
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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