we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
