Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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