so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
