i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
