I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I think I am morally bankrupt
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
How's work?
Spinning.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
