ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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