WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
he fucked my hip out of place.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
